Different Directions

Hello to my very patient readers.  Thanks for checking in!  Isn't October the best month of the year?!:)  I love adding cardigans and fuzzy socks to my wardrobe, while still enjoying time outside. It has been a familiar fall with my return to the "Fruity Pebbled" mountains of my childhood.  My kids miss the rocky beauty of our Colorado vistas, but I have felt very much at home on this side of the mountains, where the leaves are vibrantly red, purple, orange and yellow.  I think something pumpkin-y is definitely going to have to be baked in my oven today!

In my last entry, we were anticipating chemotherapy treatment #16, which we thought would be the last for now so that Derek's body could have a break.  His original doctor in Colorado said he would never do more than 12 in a row because of the toll it would take on the body. The oncologist here chose to do 4 more because there were still enlarged areas and she felt that Derek could handle it.  She said that they would pull out one of the harshest chemicals, the oxalyplatin, do four more treaments, followed by another set of scans, and then just keep their eye on the growth (or lack thereof) of the cancer and evaluate where to go from there.  We went in for that appointment about 4 weeks ago and received two pieces of new information.  First of all, in a way that reinforced my incompatibility with his doctor, we were told that she had no intention of taking a break from the chemo.  She planned to just keep going until they couldn't do any more, even though Derek's neuropathy has continued to get worse and we worry about doing the permanent damage we were initially warned about in Colorado.  His current oncologist was unclear about what would determine the stopping time, although I think we soon realized what would likely dictate Derek's ability to continue treatments.

After a disturbing and frustrating discussion with his doctor, the nurses tested Derek's blood, which revealed that his platelet count was way lower than it should be to receive treatment.  It has been low since the beginning, but he has seemed so healthy in every other way that they have continued treatment anyway. Apparently they like that number to be above 90.  Derek's has been lower than that since his second treatment, but the lowest it had ever been was in the mid 70s.  On this day it was at a 52. No chemo! Derek asked if there was anything he could do to keep that count up, which reminded me that before they pulled out the oxalyplatin, they were giving him a shot after every treatment to somehow help his immune system bounce back.  They hadn't been giving him the shot and I asked if that was contributing to his platelet count being low.  The nurse said it had nothing to do with it and we would just have to wait for his bone marrow to start producing more platelets again.  It was a weird little rejection moment, because it is never fun to receive a chemo treatment, but Derek just wanted it over with.

Instead, he and I went to Phoenix for his annual work conference and after all his eating out and sitting in sessions, we returned a week later to try again to receive treatment #16.  He had gained 7 pounds, which was noteworthy because he eats and eats and can barely maintain his weight. We thought, "Wow! That is what an extra week without chemo will do for you!"  They again tested his blood and his platelet count was only up to a 63.  Another rejection week. The doctor who was filling in for his regular oncologist said no chemotherapy.  Last week he went in again and he was up to a 64, after a whole week.  This time the substitute oncologist decided they would go for it, because she knew that without that 16th treatment there would't be any new scans, and we were anxious to see what was going on internally.  I wasn't present for this appointment, but they went ahead and did the treatment and then somehow it came up that he was supposed to be receiving shots after all.  I don't know if this has anything to do with the struggle his bone marrow is having, because we are severely lacking in the information department and nobody was very helpful in answering Derek's questions about it that day, but he is now going into the office every day this week to receive some kind of shot.  Not very convenient for a busy City Manager, but apparently necessary nonetheless.

Basically, what I am getting at is that we have been repeatedly frustrated with the communication style of the current oncologist.  I have since gone through other means to get copies of the reports that were done of his previous scans and am concerned about some of the things I see written there that she has never talked to us about.  Derek has recognized that there has been a personality conflict between her and I since the beginning, but he is now agreeing that it could be much more than that.  We are not questioning her competence, we just need more information. Twice, in random ways, we have been given the same name of a different oncologist that we've been told we need to see for a second opinion.  We feel like it could be an answer to many prayers, for us to see this doctor.  It may simply be that he will validate for us that everything we are currently doing is right on, or maybe he will answer our questions in a way that hasn't been done, or perhaps he will see something differently and have another idea for how we should be treating Derek's cancer.  He will receive another CT scan on Friday and then we have an appointment next week with the other oncologist.  Hopefully we will have a clear idea of what to do after that.

As for everything else, we enjoyed our little trip together, and the kids did awesome at home on their own... we were proud of them. We've had more fun visits from friends and family and have other visits we are looking forward to.  Thank you so much to all of you for making us a part of your lives and your prayers.  We continue to feel loved and supported, and whenever I have a sad day I think of all of you who continue to press forward through your own trials with faith that you are becoming better as a result. We're just making the most of each day we have... not looking too far ahead, but making the steps we take as significant as we can, and hopefully going in the right direction.  It is what we came to this earth to do, right?! I'm just grateful to not be doing it alone.  I know that the burden of hard things can be carried by the Savior of the world, who has already made it possible if we will just allow Him to help us.  I have definitely felt the lifting of our burdens and am so grateful.