Finding Joy in the Journey: September 2012

introduction

Many of you know how the Todd Family feels about journeys. We try to keep an eternal destination always in view, while focusing on finding joy in the way we choose to get there. We are so grateful for the knowledge we have about where we want to ultimately be... in the presence of a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, who made it possible for us to achieve that destination. We have been sent to this earth to see if we can reach our potential, becoming all that Heavenly Father wants us to be. Sometimes the journey back to our Heavenly home takes us through wide, gentle paths and sometimes the road is treacherous and unknown. Regardless, we feel that with every step we take, we should be looking for the beauty around us... learning from our fellow sojourners and relying on the maps that were provided to us to get through. Sometimes it is easy to happily skip along, but often we struggle, wondering if we will make it, and recognizing in the end that we can do hard things that we would have not previously thought possible. These are often the stretches of road that bring the most joy... the difficult ones. We have recently found ourselves on “a road less traveled” and, since we can’t turn around, we have decided to find joy in the opportunity to go there... to become better for having trod this new path. We hope that none of you will have to take this route, and can instead experience the vistas through us as you follow this blog. Here we go... Remember to enjoy the journey!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Happily Swimming

Last night I attended the elementary school carnival with my two youngest ladies. It was a typical elementary school carnival, and they loved it. I loved it when one of them turned to the other, after hugging half the little girls in attendance (okay, that's probably a hyperbole), and said, "Wow! It is so easy to find friends here!" My first thought was that it has always been easy for them to find friends ANY where! My second thought was that it has been relatively easy for ALL the kids to find friends here.

The two high school boys went to the Mascot Bowl, held bizarrely at Lehi High School last night. Collegiate and professional team mascots from all around the country came and played a goofy game of football against a team of local eighth graders. It was apparently quite entertaining and fun. I loved that my two boys went together, drove themselves, and then found groups of friends that they felt comfortable hanging out with. They had a great time.

The junior high kids hop off the bus each afternoon laughing about the conversations they had while traveling home from school. There are so many kids in this neighborhood with whom they can be friends and my kids seem to have become part of the fun camaraderie that is among them. Have my middle school aged children ever come home from school laughing before?!:)

As annoying as our current social media can be, I am grateful for it. The older kids have been able to stay connected with their closest friends in Colorado and even the younger kids have used some internet connections and "facetime" to interact with their friends. I sometimes just marvel at the ease of this hard transition for our kids. They all seem really happy, in spite of all they left behind. It is truly miraculous to me how well they've all adjusted... an answer to many prayers, I am certain.

Derek is also still feeling the results of many prayers offered in his behalf. He has completed treatment #15 and will have his final chemo in about a week. The neuropathy that was supposed to go away after treatment #12 has continued to get worse. He says now that he feels like a short man walking on stilts because he can't really feel what is going on below his legs... or below his elbows, for that matter. He continues to plug along as if nothing is really wrong, even though he can hardly taste anything and he gets very tired easily. Typing is difficult, as is anything that requires fine motor skills (i.e. buttoning buttons). He will definitely be happy to get through #16! Interestingly, his golf game is improving! He had been a bit appalled at how much golfing is required in his position here. He is still borrowing golf clubs because I think he is in denial about how much he is really going to need them, but he has received some great tips from some of the golf pros he has golfed with, and I can see a set of clubs in his future:) He has started to embrace the sport (Is golf a sport?) and not just survive it. Maybe the post-forty Derek will be a golfer!

As for me, I started to compose a post yesterday, but was feeling too philosophical. I have days like that, but wasn't sure I should document it for all to read. Today I feel more like my normal self. It has been raining and I love the rain. It takes me back to my Seattle days, which I still miss on some level. I'm grateful for the parts of many of you, from the different stages of my life, that have become the best parts of me. I've been a mom now for 17 years this week and it is weird to look back at who I've become over those years. As the kids and I danced in the kitchen while putting dinner on the table last night, Tanner told me he was often glad I wasn't like other people's moms. I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he said it was a compliment. Haddie agreed that she was happy I could still be cool while looking and acting my age. She assured me that even that was a good thing(?!). I decided to not over-analyze it and just be happy that they seem happy.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Are We on a Raceway?

Wow. Another month has flown by at record speeds. August has ended and we are into our 6th month in Utah. How did that happen and why do I still have unpacked boxes and furniture in my bedroom and garage?!! Even still we are feeling more comfortable in our house, our neighborhood, and our schools... Yay.

Derek still loves his job and has been busily doing many great things. He loves being part of this larger, dynamic city and is getting used to the sometimes quirky Utah culture. There are some really cool things that happen here and it is fun to be a part of it. We are so grateful that he can continue to work, as this takes his mind off feeling yucky and helps us feel somewhat normal... not to mention the plethora of expenses that are covered by his income:)

Last month Derek had another PET scan, which we were hoping would reveal that his cancer had shrunk to immeasurable sizes after the 6 months of chemo. Unfortunately, his lymph nodes are still enlarged and the oncologist thought it would be wise to try to knock the cancer a little harder before taking a break from the chemotherapy. This was hard news, although positive in many ways. His blood counts have amazingly dropped down into a normal range, which is great (even though this is not a perfect indicator of anything), and he has done better with the chemo than most. The 12 treatments have definitely taken a toll on Derek emotionally and physically, and we were all looking forward to the break, but the oncologist went ahead with treatment #13, feeling that his body will benefit from a total of 16 treatments. Hopefully this will shrink things down a bit more before they stop for a time. They are removing the chemical that causes a lot of the neuropathy (weird nerve sensitivities), so we thought that would help with some of his troubles, but so far it has continued to get worse... maybe this is normal? Either way, he is a trooper and I don't think anyone who doesn't know him well would have any idea that he's going through chemotherapy. He will have treatment #14 on Tuesday.

The kids are all back in school and my house is so quiet. My kitchen stays cleaner and it is nice to have some sort of a routine, but I admit that I've felt rather lonely. I have started exercising again and it feels good to move and get some fresh air each morning. I miss all the visitors but am keeping busy and starting to get more organized. I think some days I still grieve the loss of the life we had a year ago, but I just take it a day at a time, trying to make positive forward progress. I recognize that I have come to rely more on the Lord each day, I'm finding more significance in my interactions with others, and I am more grateful for the simple things in my life... this is positive forward progress! Why do I resist being molded and sculpted into something better?

So, truthfully, as I say "Hello" to September, there are days that I am merely holding on through the turns, wishing the driver would slow down for a bit. But there have been more and more days that I feel I can lean into the turns and even squeal with delight at the speed we are going. Thank you for checking in on us! We are so grateful for our friends, old and new, and for your prayers and words of encouragement. We pray for you, too:)